Gimme some of dat

The PLEASE SEE THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT Series

I finally saw Richard Kelly's second effort, Southland Tales (2007). It is clearly a bad film, but stands alone from any other piece of shit I've ever seen because it is, by a long shot, the most thought-provoking piece of shit I've ever seen. Most bad films are deliciously awful like Showgirls (1995) or staggeringly bad, like William Freidkin's Bug (2007). Friedkin thought he was being profound but failed so miserably at it that you wanted to strangle him for wasting your time. And for his hubris. These were the sentiments expressed by most critics of Southland Tales, most infamously at Cannes. They are wrong about the time, right about the hubris.

Kelly says A LOT of interesting things in this film, but clearly loses control of the behemoth he created. I applaud the effort, especially since this was supposed to be a mainstream film. (The film made virtually no money and forced Sony to bitch slap Kelly with a clear mandate: make us a blockbuster, or you're through!). Kelly came as close to a mainstream 'avant-garde' film as one could imagine, tottering the line between the two, and falling on either side, on his face, many times over.

For starters, every actor in this film, maybe for the exception of The Rock, play characters completely against their typecasts. For instance, Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a porn star, Jon Lovitz plays a cruel cold-hearted cop, Sean William Scott, a nervous deadpan cop, etc. The characters are neither flat archetypes or fleshed out beings. Kelly's storyline that guides them has no apparent logic either—and doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about it—but seems to beg for a compass at the same time. This brings to mind David Lynch's Inland Empire (2007), a movie that uses chaos to fine effect. Lynch just lets go, and alllowing the 'plot' to meander rhizomatically. Kelly seems to want that, but gets too controlling just when he's reached the limit.
Without getting too involved, the film starts out as a typical B-rate apocalyptic flick. The dialogue made me cringe, especially Justin Timberlake's Desert Storm veteran character. Lots of flashy/dinky graphics flutter about. I started to wonder how this was possible that Kelly could do this without wanting to kill himself. But I knew he was too smart for this, and quickly I realized after the film's all too long setup, that he was taking a piss, flouting every convention he could shake a penis at. The dialogue started to become too ridiculous to be taken seriously, the acting too stiff, the humor too deadpan. I knew something was up. I still don't know WHAT THE HELL that is exactly but it was up and it has kept me guessing since. It's WAY more than I can say about Bug. But at least in that one I got to see Ashley Judd's boobies.

If you want to read a good take on this film click here. I think the guy's spot on.

Rip Torn attempts to Kill Norman Mailer

Yes, it happened. Sort of. This clip is from an 'outtake' from Norman Mailer's 1968 film Maidstone. Mailer in his usual bravura declared the film a radical breakthrough in cinema where reality and fiction blur. It doesn't sound that novel to me. And I think the rest of them realized as much because I've never heard of Mailer's filmic endeavors until now.

Here, Rip Torn tries to brain Mailer with a hammer, prompting Mailer to nearly bite off Torn's ear. Yummy.

Mystery solved

The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

LAWNMOWER MAN: TIRED DRUNK EDITION

This man made national news when he shot—while drunk—his Lawn Boy (lawnmower) when it failed to start. He faces jail time and a whopping $11,000 fine.

WTF?

It seems a bit harsh to me. For starters, if I were to do some forensic work on this case I would see things differently. Instead of seeing him as an unbathed, piss drunk middle-aged man going postal on his lawmower—without his wife's permission (she was the one to call police), I see him as an unbathed, piss drunk, middle-aged man coming to terms with his mortality and limitations. After all, he was approaching age 60! Frustrated by his life's failings and his unfulfilled dreams he had no recourse but to pull out his trusty shotgun and shoot his malfunctioning Lawn Boy clear to Kingdom Come. If you're having a bad day, nothing feels better than to mow your lawn after vomiting 2 gallons of Jim Beam. Everyone knows that. But the mower would not start, adding insult to an already injured heart. The mower had to be shot. Period. But such catharsis is taboo in the face of law. I just hope they cut The Lawn Boy killer some slack.

AMEN, BROTHER

Where's a Polar Bear When You Need One?